Closure.

I see my life as a book sometimes, one that has some ripped pages, and stained pages. The book is unfinished, because there are chapters in the book that i could not get an ending to, but i still moved on to a new chapter, and each chapter seems to be a little thicker, and more interesting than the last. I have learned a long the way, that there are many people in this life who will pick the book up and open it from the middle, reading only what they want to read, and not what's truly there.. Not knowing the beginning of the story, they automatically place judgement. I have met people in this world who want to rip the pages out, and take things away from what's really there. I guess what I'm trying to say is, there are people who will only see what they want to see, they will take bits and pieces of a situation they don't know enough about, and throw there hurtful words around, smacking you in the face. There are actually people out there who you Will meet, that will put labels on you, and try there best to be able to see you fall down, all in disguise.

I believe that in this life, i have made mistakes, i have said the wrong things more than the right things, I've done things that i thought i wouldn't ever do, and yet when i look back on everything i can still smile. I have been hurt more than i have been loved, i have said goodbye to all the people i thought i would never have to say those words to. Recently, i came across a person who i took a great interest in. Being young and nieve, i gave him everything, i made sacrifices that i shouldn't have made, i tossed my life, and everything i knew aside so i could start this new one.. There were many times i looked back, and wanted to turn around. I gave this person everything and did whatever he said. It wasn't until i was so buried in a mess that i made, that i noticed i had forgotten who i was. I couldn't remember what it felt like to do the things i loved to do, i couldn't remember what it felt like to have my own opinion, or wake up in the morning and have my own schedule. I don't remember what it felt like to have a person in my life who i could trust, and tell anything to, without them shutting me down. I didn't realize that i was so afraid to walk away, and dig myself out of this mess, because i was afraid i would be alone, i was afraid of myself, and my own opinions, i didn't think i was capable of standing up. When this whole time that i was on the ground, i was more alone than i had ever been. I understand that when your young, you take yourself down roads that you don't want to go down, only to find yourself back where you started. It's a bittersweet journey, filled with twists and turns. But if there's anything i have learned from this journey, it's that i don't regret much... After all of these twists and turns, and places i didn't want to be, i know i did what i wanted to do deep down at that time, and the mess i created, shouldn't upset me at all, it should make me proud that i did what i wanted, and when i got lost, i found my way back to the surface. I take it as a lesson learned, instead of a mistake that i made.


We have limited time on this planet (at least in this life) and now that i am free and standing tall, putting closure to all the chapters in this book.. I am ready to be fully alive, and feel all of the wonderful things this world has to offer. I may have to take some baby steps, but I'm going to make sure i make the best of this life. I will do everything i want to do, i will feel everything i want to feel, i will say all of the things i want to say, i will be myself, and i will never regret anything that I've done at any time in this life, because at some point it's what i really wanted, at one point it may have been the right thing, but sometimes the right thing can go wrong. I just want to be able to put a happy ending to this book, and be able to read it in my next life, with a smile on my face, because even with all the disappointment, let downs, and twists and turns somewhere in between i was happy, and alive.